This is a post for mature audiences - the already-married or nearly-married set. These are the marriage tips no one else is gonna give you.
And we’re just going to go there today - I’m going to give you ten tips for a good married life, and some of them are gonna be a little bit bedroom-focused - and I’ll add in some essential oils you can use to spice things up.
- Give her a towel - sex is messy
- That saying, “it’s all in your head” is true but often misused. Faith, perspective, and gratitude can help overcome almost any obstacle in life. Check what’s in your head before you let random chatter explode from your mouth.
- Pray often. The three things I ask for most in praying are humility to hear what I need to hear (especially when I’m in a difficult conversation), the wisdom/words to say for what the other person needs to hear, and - always - God’s will be done.
- Listen more than you talk. (And pray in between.) In a good marriage you won’t need to defend yourself all the time - and often as not the effort to defend oneself only puts one’s partner on the defensive and escalates the situation. (Looking at you, wives!) (Watch for my blog on differences in how women talk vs men in the near future. I’ll link back here.)
- You can’t force your partner to make love - but it should never be weaponized and withheld as “punishment” either. Sometimes, say yes even if you don’t feel it in the moment - you might just change your mind in the action. Conversely, “no” has to be an okay answer. If you make love often enough, no is not a hard answer to take. Maybe start by increasing one more night a week, a great married couple might be intimate even 3-4 nights a week. More really can be better!
- Sex doesn’t always have to end in fireworks. Maybe you’re trying some new stuff; maybe it’s just a quickie to get things set up for a longer session later; maybe it’s just medicine but the connection is really needed right then. Also - she likely will need some manual stimulation to make those fireworks happen (the oils I’m listing at the end can help a lot- keep a mix on the bedside table.)Sorry, guys, though you might hit her sweet spot inside, it’s rarely enough to see it all the way through - but God gave you what you need to make it happen. Also - it’s gonna take time to get to know what the other likes - save the toys for after you’ve explored using the toys God gave you. (Bonus tip:) Toys and external stimulants (porn- whether visual image or written word) can quickly become a crutch that makes it harder to bond with the person in front of you. Last point on this note: If you're already using external stimuli, it's going to take time to get the images, ideas, thoughts, and desires from those out of your head. Give yourselves grace, and work on getting there together - and appreciating the real person and parts directly in front of you.
- Having that physical reconnection that lovemaking provides is so important, and vastly underrated. Don’t get so busy in the to-do’s of life that the physical touch gets neglected. Ladies, If you’re mentally distracted while making love, close your eyes and focus on how it feels to be so close - this makes it easier to ignore all the to-do’s in the world around you. Hold his waist so you can feel his muscles move, your grip will give him an idea of where you're at too. Do what you can to be in the moment. The dish and laundry fairies won't show up to steal your messes, I promise. Those things will be there when you're done - but your world will be a little nicer for the time spent.
- “Expect better” doesn’t mean “demand better”. You can only change one person in the equation - work to change that person and pray for the one you can’t change.
- Have fun together. Just being real here - women don’t have body parts that move independently on their own; it’s fascinating, and guys love to show off - give it a wiggle for her. And men don’t have parts that bounce and jiggle to look at; so they’re gonna want to look. Might as well have some fun with it!
- Lose your pride and work to make what you have the best s/he’s ever gonna want. A man might be small but do great work with his hands; a lady might have some fun new positions to try. Figure it out and practice together (and laugh while you do!) Sex is messy and gooey and “gross” - but only if you let that be your perspective. (See #2 above.)
Ready for the T-level-boosting, libido-boosting, sex-enhancing mix? Mix these up and put them on the inner thigh about 20 minutes before you get busy - or play together while you put the mix directly on your most sensitive parts for some awesome results.
Please remember when you try these oils out that the oils I've suggested using will be put on super-sensitive parts and should be of the highest and purest quality. This is why we only use one brand in our home. It really does make a difference.
You can go here to order the oils I've listed below if you don't already have an account of your own. I'd be grateful if you used my referral number to order if you don't already have someone to help you get started. If you order four or more of the oils mentioned below with my referral number - I have a special welcome package just for you! Send me a message and we'll connect!
(Gonna give the basic recipe here for our vision impaired folks - and a graphic you can keep or pin below!)
In a 4 oz glass jar (NOT plastic - oils don’t mix with plastic), mix in
• ¼ c coconut oil,
• 1 Tbsp pure olive oil,
• 30-40 drops Black Pepper Essential oil (yes, about half a bottle! It increases blood flow and makes for stronger results), and
• 20-30 drops Ylang Ylang (a natural aphrodisiac for both sexes) <— this is the bare (*cough*) minimum. But here are some others to add in if you have them on hand - and the results will be noticeable:
• 20-30 drops Goldenrod
• 20 drops Cedarwood
And if you want to really go next level:
• 10 drops any evergreen essential oil
• 10 drops Valor
Have fun playing around!
PS - If this blog post was helpful (or amusing) to you, would you share it with someone you know so they can benefit too? If your friend uses my referral number to order their oils, I have a little gift for you! Shoot me a message!